Get out of the fast-flowing torrents, safely onto the quiet narrow path

Growing up we are faced with a torrent of questions that we ask ourselves, and that come from other people around us. The most prominent of these questions often pertain to issues that could have the most significant consequences in the short and long term. Most concerningly, many of us often know the correct answer to the question from a young age but are gradually pulled away to the incorrect answer or an answer that is only half true, such as during teenage years and youth, or at college or university. A big factor in this happening is that if we are to actually grasp and hold firmly to the correct answer we must get out of the fast-flowing river (which is heading towards a deadly cliff-edge) and onto the quiet narrow path by the riverside – indeed, this is not easy because it is easier to just drift down the river on a raft, a route in which many people claim is the correct way to go. Much of the media (e.g. social media, films, celebrity voices, TV, elite politics) and conversation around us usually normalises the latter route (as if to say, “just keep going down the river, that’s the right thing to do”). Sadly, they are incorrect but often present their case in a deceptive way, often using half-truths that twist or redefine a matter.

Before returning to the matter at hand, we may have already noted an important skill to develop – we must not simply absorb and believe everything we hear and see; we need to carefully reflect, and do so prayerfully. In fact, there are many things we should not have seen or heard in the first place, if we had been discerning enough in our navigations. What about the correct answer then? How do we get onto the quiet narrow path by the river with the birds singing? The short answer is that it is by genuine faith, the grace of God, giving rise to careful discernment. The longer answer is that we are going to have to spend time in prayerful quietness, and be courageous in saying no to those who try to convince us to just stay on the river. We are also going to have to be extremely careful about what we see and hear on screens and otherwise. To do this, we will have to rely on our Creator God and not on ourselves. You will already be noticing a key difference here to the prevailing narratives, which usually tell you the exact opposite. But we ask, well what about an example? How can we know what questions are referred to here? What represents the river and what represents the quiet narrow path with the birds singing? For today, though there are many, let us consider a couple of examples. The first of those is a more obvious one, and only briefly touched upon, though still terribly underestimated and regularly dismissed. The second example I believe is one of the leading causes of sadness and anxiety in our generation, due to becoming convinced of the incorrect answer to the question through the prevailing influences of our day.

Keep away from alcohol-orientated social circles, nightlife, and from those who seek to bring us to these environments

The dangers of drunkenness through excessive alcohol consumption is a commonly acknowledged risk. However, few realise the risks of surrounding influences that often characterise the environments within which drunkenness can arise. While a glass of wine with a meal can be very pleasant, we have to acknowledge that the prevailing peer influences on many of us growing up are completely different to this. Those who choose to stay away from alcohol altogether make a good choice, which could be a helpful tool in avoiding the environments which we are about to consider. That said, the same careful discernment can be exercised if we do enjoy a glass of wine with a meal on occasion if we are at an appropriate age for such. But what if friends are trying to encourage us to go somewhere to drink alcohol, or even to a nightclub? Now, this is where we must acknowledge that many underestimate the risks here. To be more specific, many of us, even parents, may think it innocent enough to go to the pub or a house gathering with friends. The problem is, particularly when present in social gatherings in the late evening (though it could be during the day too), that more often than not these environments expose us to many other peer pressures, which are amplified in potency if we do have even one or two alcoholic beverages. Furthermore, these contexts can arise even earlier during teenage years if we are not very careful indeed. Even with no alcohol, influences like these can be present in the environment we have gone to or the friend(s) we have chosen to spend time with.

We may now ask, well what peer pressures do you mean? Let us take an example. Say someone asks a question or makes a comment to us directly or to the group about a very personal and inappropriate topic, like probing on whether we have done a certain thing now that we are at a certain age (also see the second section of this blog post regarding waiting until marriage). How do we respond? How do we feel? How would that influence our future behaviour and decision making processes? How have those around us responded? How has our faithful friend whom we have brought along with us been affected by what has been said?

The thing the person who launched the question or comment is implying is an incorrect answer to a common question that, if believed and acted on by ourselves, would bring us further down the fast-flowing river and keep us away from the pleasant narrow path of peace. Would we make a correct discernment on the matter, or would we cave to the peer pressure? Do not underestimate these kinds of influences. It is not about being able to withstand these pressures or not when in these environments, though if we do find ourselves there then yes this is essential! More mature minded and discerning people will be inclined to avoid these risks in the first place, not to throw themselves into them, even though they may be more able to withstand the influences when there. It can be a different matter if a good friend wishes to carefully go along to look out for someone else, but this still requires very carefully considered thought indeed.  The fact is, that if the people we think are our friends are encouraging us to go down these routes, towards the fast-flowing river, then they are not our true friend. This is why we have to be so very careful who we choose as friends and in what contexts we spend the time with them, including if they visit our home or us theirs.

We may now be asking, well what about nightclubs and nightlife? Isn’t that a normal part of social life when you turn 18 or when you go to university? Couldn’t we just go there and not drink or not get drunk? Some people do try to make this argument, and some sensible people take this view from seemingly reasonable motives initially. However, as we have already started to explore, it is not so much the alcohol itself but the environments and connotations that surround this kind of social culture. Remember too that private environments can actually be just as bad (or even worse) for the influences that can cause us most damage. So again, we realise that it is not so much a specific location or physical building that is the issue, but the intrinsic influences of the people present there and the surrounding environment – mainly the conversation and interactions, but linked to the alcohol and also the kind of lighting (or lack thereof) and influences of certain music. In the context of university accommodation, it is worth surrounding ourselves with the right people who are not into these kinds of environments so that we can support one another in taking a different approach to that which is being normalised around us (e.g. be especially alert to this during the start of term, or “freshers week”). It is important to take a stand here, not only for ourselves, but to encourage the many others who feel the same way and long to find a way not to go into these nightlife- and alcohol-orientated environments. Remember, many will be too scared to not go along with the fast-flowing river. Be that person who is the reminder to these precious souls that others are thinking similar. The writing of this blog post is about affirmation, not correction and criticism. Let us be affirming to good and pure things that so many of us long to adopt. Some of us may be thinking, “Well wouldn’t being a little tipsy allow us to open up and enjoy social times more?”. Although we may well be more open and talkative, perhaps genuinely a good laugh, it is also highly likely we will say, or even do, things we wouldn’t have otherwise, and will profoundly regret in the long and medium term, even if we had only been a little ‘tipsy’. We can have a thoroughly enjoyable social occasion of good cheer alongside trustworthy friends without this risk, a pleasant chat over a cup of tea in the common room or kitchen/gyp, a fireside chat, or even at our room if a friend is of the same gender. Pray that the Lord will provide a pleasant and wholesome friend or group of friends to spend time with. In the marginally better cases, there may be a quieter event that has even been arranged, like a tea and cake evening, going out for a nice meal, an afternoon walk or something similar. A quiet evening by oneself in quiet reflection following such a pleasant scenario is also hugely fruitful, to reflect on the day and to prepare for days ahead. Some universities will still offer the proper original pattern for university life, with an evensong (evening prayer) or compline (night prayer) service in chapel (often under candlelight, with or without a choir) at the end of the day, praying for a peaceful and quiet night. This is the way it was meant to be, but few realise nor respect this, again due to arriving at an incorrect answer to key questions of life, or never properly addressing the questions in the first place. Nightlife culture completely disrupts fruitful and wholesome patterns like this. Indeed, in the Bible, in the Apostle Paul’s second letter to the Thessalonians, we read, “Ye are all the children of light, and the children of the day: we are not of the night, nor of darkness.”, and a little further in the same passage of Scripture we read, “But let us, who are of the day, be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love: and for an helmet, the hope of salvation. For God hath not appointed us to wrath, but to obtain salvation by our Lord Jesus Christ, Who died for us, that, whether we wake or sleep, we should live together with Him”.

Wait until marriage, and run from those who suggest or imply that we should not

The second matter at hand is about waiting until marriage, and how to approach courtship and marriage (i.e. finding the right romantic relationship), how to wait for this properly. Some of us may not have come across the term ‘courtship’ before, and there is a reason for using this term rather than other popular terms often used. Courtship refers to the careful consideration of someone who could be a potential marriage partner, essentially considering who to marry. We may often call this ‘going out with’ (British English) or ‘dating’ (American English) someone, or a ‘girlfriend’ or ‘boyfriend’. The problem is, and some of us may already be thinking this, many people give the impression that consideration of marriage doesn’t come into this until later. Well, they may have a point, but a misplaced one, because this is where half-truths come into it. The half-truth is that we will ordinarily not know for certain whether someone is definitely the one to marry when we first meet them, though we may do! We mustn’t rule out the possibility of having this indication in our discernment from early on, being sensitive to this, but equally realise that things could take time to develop and form. Either way, we should see someone as a potential marriage partner if we are going to start a courtship with them (again, see definition of courtship above). In this regard though, we wouldn’t assume either way, as the consideration of marriage would be a mutual one based on mutual love and affection that is confirmed over time (whether a shorter or longer timeframe, but timeframe is perhaps a discussion for another day). When we sense an indication on something serious like thinking that someone may be the one to marry, that God may be giving us a sense of this, we should ponder this carefully and prayerfully in our heart, not rushing ahead, yet being ready. Someone may now ask, well why can’t you just have a ‘girlfriend’ or ‘boyfriend’ without thinking about them as a potential marriage partner? This is where we need to take a step back and consider another facet to our considerations here, to get to the root question which I am trying to get at: should we wait until marriage? Or, perhaps we can ask ourselves another question: are we willing to treat that person purely during the relationship? Someone may ask, well what do you mean?

Many of us know deep down from a young age that physical interactions of a romantic nature are only meant for within marriage. Yes, this is correct. You were right when you had that inclination in your discernment, also that we should only live together if we are married. The people who convinced you that you were wrong were lying to you. This can be their intention or by full or partial self-deception (sometimes well meaning people can give incorrect advice because of the strength of compromised societal influences). The reason you were correct is because of the preciousness and abundant goodness of pure physical interactions within marriage. Now, this is the question at hand: do we really have to wait until marriage for any kind of sexual interactions, of any nature?  Prevailing narratives will tell you that you do not have to wait, and will in fact normalise the opposite through internet and media domains and peer pressure. This is the fast-flowing river heading towards the cliff-edge. Don’t fall for it. Those of us heading off to university this autumn, don’t fall for it. Those of us with so-called friends around us, directly or indirectly suggesting it is normal at a certain age, don’t fall for it, run from them and find proper friends. Before proceeding any further, let us remember that many of us have made mistakes, however seemingly mild, whether pushing boundaries, misled by others, or otherwise, and we must know that there is a fresh start. Our merciful God is kind and compassionate to us as we realise that we really want to be on the quiet narrow path by the river – we are welcomed onto this with a joyful fresh start, and any genuinely repentant person would deeply regret not doing this from the start. It can take time, partly because healing takes time and the Lord wishes us to heal fully, but mainly because the evil enemy of our souls wants us to keep going on the fast-flowing river to our death. Don’t believe the lie that we cannot get back to the narrow path with complete renewal, or escape onto it for the first time. Let us affirm – our loving God is overflowing with mercy and welcomes us home with a fresh start in true repentance.

To return to our matter, those of us who are still growing up and have not yet been lured towards the incorrect answer (the fast-flowing river), praise the Lord. There is a wonderful opportunity to wait patiently, having not made any of these mistakes, stepping onto the quiet narrow path with birds singing. So, stick to what you know to be the right way. Wait patiently for the one, in purity, peace and joy, by the grace of God. The world around you and many influences will tell you this is boring and oppressive – they are wrong, and so catastrophically wrong, because the truth is the exact opposite. The quiet narrow path runs by pleasant pastures with beautiful boundaries of flowers, with overflowing joy, and the one you wait for will be so grateful. Yes there will be challenges, temptations, stumbling. Remember, we are not talking presumptuously here. We must pray that we would trust in the Lord and not stumble off the narrow path, saying no to all lies and temptations that encroach upon us. Before concluding, a brief note on timing – the world will tell you that you are ‘too young to get married, so have fun in the meantime’ and will simultaneously tell you that you don’t have to wait for marriage for physical interactions of a sexual nature. This is the key lie that brings so much anxiety and hurt. We don’t have to fall for this; it is a lie. Elements of it seem like a half-truth in that it is indeed wise to wait patiently to make sure to marry the right person, but we know that this waiting should involve keeping pure and truly repenting of any mistakes we have made in the past. Many people don’t realise it is a lie until after they fall for it and act on it, and many will at that point not admit it because they are so hurt and angry (often due to a guy luring a girl towards the incorrect answer). This is a very sad situation that is plaguing society currently. Presumably for this reason, many try to drag others with them instead of repenting and taking a fresh start. It is perhaps important to note briefly on a rather sensitive subject, and so much more could be said on this subject, and on the subject of reproduction (which, although not always leading to reproduction, is not biologically nor emotionally separated from the physical interactions, contrary to what many will tell you), that in the case that a child is conceived outside marriage it is the right thing to raise the family. God is merciful and kind. Life is sacred. Again, this further emphasises the care we should take in the main points aforementioned and we do not underestimate the sensitivity of this briefly mentioned caveat. Girls, pure daughters of God – don’t believe the lies, stand firm in what you know is true, and don’t let any guy near you who doesn’t have the Lord our God as his Saviour and Guide in true repentance. Guys – understand Christian values for courtship and marriage, wait patiently for the one and understand who that one is.

Importantly, and also where the aforementioned narrative from prevailing media and influences is incorrect, is that we may meet the right one when we are younger, and marrying at this age would be equally honourable, indeed highly honourable, just as someone who marries the right one when they are a little older having waited much longer for the one. In closing, to girls especially – the only one who deserves you is the one who truly desires to wait with you in purity until marriage and will pray with you and your children with genuineness of heart in true repentance. Let us wait patiently with joy and peace of mind.

Be prepared for opposition and rejoice in prayer (even if you have never prayed before)

In rounding off this blog post, it would be unwise to not mention again a little more directly that although the narrow path is a peaceful one with birds singing and beautiful flower arrayed boundaries, leading to true life, we will face opposition and trials in following this sacred path. We are in a spiritual battle, the sources of which are invisible to our eyes but the outcomes of which have physical, emotional and spiritual outworkings. Our society is already set more and more against these beautiful Christian values for life that so many of the modern day freedoms we enjoy came from. When the opposition and trial comes, stand firm with joy. We cannot regret standing firm, and we mustn’t. We might lose friends or get the cold shoulder, but there will be true friends who will be encouraged and affirmed along the narrow way by those who do stand firm, and we hope and pray many others will join us on the peaceful narrow path with the birds singing, leading to that final day when time ends, where all of us of faith will rejoice with our Lord and Saviour. Rejoice, keep praying, keep believing (Psalm 37:4; 1 Thessalonians 5:16–18). The Lord hears our prayer whether the middle of the day or in the watches of the night and will not fail to bring about the true and beautiful calling for our life.

Conclusion of the matter

“Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.”

[Psalm 27:14]

A prayer for deliverance and protection

Our Creator God we pray, have mercy upon us, whether we know You yet or not, restore us unto Your own self before it is too late. Rescue families, rescue daughters, rescue sons, rescue precious souls across this land and beyond. Oh, how overflowing with joy we would be in Your presence with a fresh start, washed clean from all our shameful rejections of You, embracing Your beautiful and pleasant pastures of life from now onwards.

_Photographs:

_{Riverside narrow path and lush green pastures, Craig MacKenzie (Inverness-shire, Scotland, GB)}